A Son to Share

Bryan truly believed he ruined his chance to be a father, having accepted labels like addict and convict. But his son, Damian, even after being adopted into another family, disagreed. And so did Damian’s adoptive mom.  

Bryan wasn't home the day his son was removed. In fact, he can't be sure exactly where he was at the time — a park, an alley, his dealer’s house. He might have been in any one of the usual haunts where he could score the substance that both ruled and ruined his life.

The babysitter he’d hired to watch his toddler grew impatient, then frantic, as an afternoon favor stretched into a days-long vigil. Bryan didn’t call and didn’t answer his phone; he sent no one to relieve her. He had simply vanished. Finally, she had no choice but to call Child and Family Services for child abandonment.

Two-year-old Damian was in the custody of the State by nightfall.

The next evening, Bryan finally stumbled through his unbolted front door to find the house deserted. He reached for his phone to call the sitter only to find it missing. Terrified, he tore out of the house, jogging through the neighborhood calling for Damian. It would be several days before he discovered through Facebook what had happened to his son.

He tried to undo it, communicating with case workers, following a reunification plan and faithfully attending visits while his son bounced between foster homes. But addiction wouldn’t relinquish its grip on the grounds of good intentions. After a few months, it dug its claws back into the struggling dad, this time landing him in jail.

The End

Two years later, the paperwork notifying Bryan that his parental rights were to be terminated found him in a drug treatment facility. He'd been doing well, getting clean and working the program as a part of his sentence — but it was too late.  

The hearing took place over Zoom. Bryan faced a screen where a judge, an attorney and a lone woman stood ready to determine his fate as a father.

In painful detail, the full story of the neglect his son had endured, the years of waiting and his own inconsistency was laid bare for all to hear. Bryan stood quietly before the camera as Jamie, a single foster mom, lovingly told the judge about his son — a boy with his dimples, his knack for mischief and no memory of him.

As all eyes turned to Bryan, he cleared his throat and did the only thing he could for his son. He told the truth.

“Your Honor,” he said, slowly, “if I were to get custody of Damian today, I would only set him back. Even a year into recovery, I know I’m not what’s best for him. I’m not here to give up on him, but I know he’s better off with Jamie.”

Forcing these last words out, Bryan hung his head. The courtroom was silent. Jamie, eyes wide and heart pounding, looked between the broken man on the screen and the judge, who met her gaze.

Without another word, the judge ordered the courtroom to be cleared for a recess, leaving Jamie to talk with Bryan alone. Lost for words, she waited for Bryan to speak.

Finally, he looked up and asked, “Do you love him?”

A sad smile spread across her face. “I do. Very much,” she said.

“Okay.” Bryan took a deep breath. “I’ll sign over my parental rights.”

Hesitantly, he asked, "Do you think I could ever be part of his life again?” Jamie paused before answering, her head and her heart at war.

“If you stay clean and prove that you’re safe to have around him, we can talk about a visit,” she said at last. "I’m sure he’ll have questions that I can’t answer. He’ll need his dad."

When the judge returned, Jamie tearfully informed him that it was her intent to adopt Damian. With the bang of a gavel, Bryan was no longer a father in the eyes of the court.

Do Over

Upon his release, Bryan took great pains to rebuild his life, his eyes set squarely on the day he’d get to see his son again. He sent Christmas and birthday presents, hoping Damian would remember he was loved by a dad he likely wouldn’t recognize. What Bryan didn’t know was that several miles away, Jamie was showing Damian photos of Bryan, ensuring his dad would never be a stranger.

When Bryan finally looked around at a stable life he could confidently bring his son into, he reached out to Jamie. The day before Easter, he caught a Greyhound bus and sat anxiously fidgeting as the five-hour drive shrank the distance between he and Damian.

Hair freshly cut, giftwrapped package in hand, Bryan rehearsed what he would say at the church playground where they were to meet. But what on earth could he say to put a shy little boy at ease with a strange man?

The reunion went nothing like he expected.  

The moment Jamie’s car came to a stop in the parking lot, Damian sprang from the backseat at a full sprint, launching himself into Bryan’s arms.

“Dad!”

Bryan hugged his boy tightly, shocked, speechless. Off to the side, Jamie stood taking pictures as her son played with his father as though they’d never spent a day apart.

A Mom and A Dad

“Did you see that?” Bryan aimed his phone camera at the left side of the rugby field where Damian was hastily scrambling to his feet.

“No, what happened?” Jamie asked, squinting at the screen as she walked through a grocery store across town.

“He got hit — hard. And just bounced right back up,” Bryan informed her, proudly. “Now he’s waving at us. That goofball.”

Jamie beamed. She was glad to know Damian had such an enthusiastic cheerleader to take him to practices while she ran errands between his foster siblings’ appointments.

Now 12 years old, Damian made a great big brother to the kids who came and went from his family. Still, as a single mom, Jamie now had her hands full with four boys. Thankfully, she always knew that Bryan would drop everything at her call to be there for Damian. He had even moved across the state to be nearer. And Damian never missed a chance to hang out with his dad.

“Is it still okay if he spends the night with you?” Jamie asked as she wrestled a jug of milk out of a cooler while her toddler attempted to escape from the cart.

“Oh, definitely!” Bryan said, excitedly. “My parents want to take him out for burgers after practice, and he's been asking to go volunteer at the United Way again. I figure we’ll head there in the morning, and you can pick him up after lunch, if that’s okay.”

“Perfect. And does he have everything?”

“I think so. But if not, I have extras of everything at my place,” Bryan said, eyes locked on the field as Damian took up his starting position again.

“Great. Have fun,” Jamie said, smiling.

“Thanks,” Bryan said, distractedly.  

Jamie was about to hang up when Bryan looked back down at his phone and met her eyes. “Thank you, Jamie.”

Stories like Damian’s, Bryan’s and Jamie’s are a beautiful picture of what becomes possible when God chooses to weave families together through foster care. Birthdays, holidays and rugby matches look so different now for Damian than they would have without Jamie’s compassionate heart and Bryan’s selfless humility. New stories are being written every day by the imperfect people who choose to step into brokenness and offer hope.