The First 24 Hours

Through our front window, I watched three children collect their belongings and follow a case worker to our front door. They were being moved from another foster home to ours and I would be lying if I said I was calm. I was nervously pacing and praying for their little hearts up to the moment I heard a knock. The moment our front door opened, we launched into our first hour routine — collecting paperwork, giving them a house tour and making a list of needs.

But once we made it through that first hour, we still had a whole day of firsts ahead of us. While it may seem overwhelming, these tips will help replace stress with structure on the first day of new placements.

1. Take a trip to the store.

You never know what a child in foster care will bring with them. One child came to us with nothing but a puzzle and the clothes on their back. Several have dragged a trash bag filled with a random assortment of items over our doorstep. A quick trip to the store can help you supplement missing items like pajamas, shoes and toiletries your child will need right away.

This trip also provides a great opportunity to start getting to know each other. As you’re picking out a water bottle, you may find out that your child prefers straws, likes the color blue and loves superheroes.  He can pick out his favorite snacks and breakfasts foods, giving him something familiar and comforting in a new, strange place.

Remember, this can sometimes be an overstimulating experience for some kids. Monitor to see if your child seems anxious and try to keep the trip brief if you can.

2. Give space and plan something low-key.

New placements can bring all sorts of emotions for a child, ranging from fear to relief to anger. Allow space for them to deal with their emotions in their own way. Some kids may prefer to go to their new room and close the door for a while or sit quietly on the couch beside you. Or they may prefer running around, exploring and testing the boundaries of your home.

Depending on what time it is, pick an easy fan-favorite for dinner. Maybe McDonald’s or a frozen pizza. Invite the child[ren] to join the family for a movie night, with popcorn and snacks if you have them. For one placement, we picked them up from a receiving home and stopped at Chipotle because it was their favorite restaurant. When we got back to our house and got settled, we turned on cartoons and silently sat together until bedtime.  

Don't be surprised or disappointed if your child chooses to keep their distance. This may have been one of the hardest days they have endured and may need some time to mourn alone.

3. Make no promises.

Foster care placements can change rapidly. Avoid making any promises about when they may see their biological family, what school will look like and what they will be allowed to do. Answer what questions you can with honesty and defer other questions to the case worker.  

You can say something like, “That’s a great question. I’ll ask Jeff when you will have visits next.”  

A children’s book that helps provide some phrases and verbiage for hard answers is Maybe Days: A Book for Children in Foster Care. This can be a great tool, especially for younger kids, as you work through situations where things may change.

Children from hard places often don’t have a lot of trust in the adults around them. By doing your best to do what you say and say what you mean, you will begin to build trust more quickly.

4. Notify their school, therapists, etc. of placement.

With a new placement you will receive a letter with your information and the children’s information. You will need to take this letter to their school to let them know who the new emergency contacts are if the change occurs during the school year. This will help with parent-teacher conferences or anything that comes up at school.

Take a copy of this letter with you for new appointments and when trying to sign up for any other services. This document will give you the authority to make sure the child receives the services they need. If you ever lose it (which I have done way more than I’d like to admit) some case workers can email you a copy as well.

5. Reach out to your community.

You are not alone! I sometimes feel so nervous and alone when we welcome new children into our home. However, when I let a few people know about a new placement, a friend shows up with my favorite coffee and some flowers. One friend sent me a Venmo to buy supplies we needed. Another reached out to find out what size they were wearing and sent us a box of clothes.

Taking in a new placement can be overwhelming and maybe even a little bit scary at first. The children coming into your home are scared as well and may not know what to expect. By taking each day slowly and introducing the child[ren] into your routine, they will begin to feel comfortable and so will you!

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