Top Tips for Talking to Teens about Faith

“Do I have to go to church?” I remember whining as my Dad prodded me out of bed on Sunday mornings.

“You don’t have to. You get to go to church,” was always his answer.  

It didn’t feel much like a privilege as a teen. I knew I'd have to make small talk with adults I barely knew. I would be bored for an hour while the preacher talked. Then my mind would turn to the leftovers in the fridge before we left the parking lot.  

Sharing the gospel with teens can feel overwhelming and daunting. This is especially true with a teenager who has never felt safe enough to trust in what they can see.

Maybe the teen in your care has never met Christ. Or maybe, your parenting them through a season of hard questions and new doubts. We asked the parents on our team how to talk to teens about their faith. Here are their top tips.  

1. Engage their curiosity.  

Questions and doubts are a natural part of every Christian’s faith journey. But every time someone responds to a question or doubt with shame, they weaken their child’s desire to learn and grow in their faith. To cultivate real faith, you’ve got to be a safe space for real questions.  

Accepting Jesus means crossing a lot of barriers for teens who’ve experience real trauma.  

Barriers like:  

• Why would a good God let so many bad things happen?  
• Why didn’t He rescue me from this situation or that unsafe person?  
• Can I trust someone I can’t see or hear?  

You don’t have to have all the answers. In fact, sometimes it’s better if you don’t. That is an opportunity to connect with them where they are and lead them to the place where they can find answers — the Word.  

Allow you teen to explore Christianity with you. Share with them the questions you have and seek the answers together.  

Take a deeper dive into three ways you can connect with your teen with our “Teens” training video here.

2. Take them to church.  

Yes, I know kids in foster care have the right to refuse to go to religious services. This isn’t about forcing them to do something they don’t want to do. This is about making church attendance as low barrier and normal as possible.  

Start by establishing a pattern. “Our family attends church on Sundays, and we’d love for you to join us.” This is an invitation for a child to take part in family culture. Then you sweeten the deal with choices.  

If your teen isn’t interested in the sermon or worship, find them a separate space where they can be close by and still engage with others. This allows them to engage with people before and after. Then, eventually, those connections may prompt them to draw closer and engage inside the sanctuary.  

If there’s no one their own age or no active youth group that fits them at the church you attend, help them attend a youth group at another church. The goal is to build a community of believers around your child. That might mean driving across town twice a week to let them participate in a setting that makes them feel safe and seen.  

3. Be authentic.  

Teens can smell fake from a mile away. Being real about your walk with God will help make God real to your teen. Approaching adulthood means choosing who gets to influence them, who they want to listen to and go to for advice.  

They aren’t always going to be looking for the most intelligent, well-researched point of view. They’re going to look for someone who is honest and real with them. They’re deciding who to let into their own inner worlds.  

Learn more about the brain science behind your teen’s behavior and relational needs. Check out the book “Brainstorm,” by Daniel J. Siegel, MD.  

Tell your teen about your own faith journey (in an age-appropriate way.) Be honest about your own questions and struggles.  

They aren't looking for “churchy” answers. They want to know they aren’t alone in struggling and want to know how you’ve handled what they’re going through.  

One more crucial way to draw your teen to Christ is getting good at apologizing. You will mess up as a parent. You’re human.  

Your teen needs you to model accountability and humility. This fosters respect and trust in you and in the Lord.

4. Stay consistent.  

It’s time to pay special attention to the ways in which you walk out your own faith. Believe it or not, your teen is always watching and listening. If you want to endear the Lord to your child, you need to let Him shape you into a parent that upholds the same standards they set.  

First, they need to see the importance your place on your relationship with God.  

Do they see you praying for people in need, people who hurt you, circumstances that frustrate or scare you? Do they see and hear scripture in the home regularly. Do they witness you using your authority to serve and guide the family?  

Now is a great time to start adding faith check ins to your daily routine and into everyday conversations. Maybe you bring your Bible to the breakfast table and share what you’re reading. You might start listening to a Christian podcast on the way to school. Or you could offer incentives for scripture memorization each week.

I recommend reading "Filled," by Jamie Finn, a 60-day devotional just for foster/adoptive parents.

As you read a devotional or do your Bible study, find ways to share what you're learning with your teens.

5. Meet them where they are.  

When you start talking to your teen about faith, you’re likely to get a bunch of I don’t knows, shoulder shrugs or blank stares. Persevere and keep trying.  

Odds are, this will be an uncomfortable and potentially foreign topic to dive in to at first. Teens don’t know what you expect them to say. They don’t know what they believe. And they don’t know what they don’t know.  

Take a deep breath and set the bar low. Make it easier for your child to let down their guard with low barrier invitations to conversations. Try asking curious, but not probing, questions in the car where they don’t have to make eye contact. Or share something you’ve been wrestling with during time alone doing an activity.  

Teens tend to take comfort in distraction. Being vulnerable feels easier when there's less pressure to respond "correctly."

With that in mind, ask you ask your teen what they think about matters of faith. Then let them answer and show interest in their point of view. Resist the temptation to jump in to correct them, or they won’t want to share. Instead, ask questions that take them deeper and make them think about the why and the who behind their thoughts and questions.

Your teen may not show much interest in your faith in the beginning. But the more important it seems to you, the more important it will eventually seem to them. Especially as they notice your faith influencing you to become more patient, more understanding and more relatable to them.